General [M]ayhem

Go Back   General [M]ayhem > General Forums > Vault of [M]ayhem!
Register Members List Mark Forums Read [M]erchandise Calendar

 
 
Thread Tools
powertickle
 
omfg

I'm dying
Old 03-14-2005, 02:27 PM powertickle is offline  
#106  

Advertisement [Remove Advertisement]

em-3
My girlfriend is really a man.
 
1.playing video games
2.feel an urge
3.resist urge and game on
4.i feel a "fart" coming
5.fart came and so did the load
6.lost the game
7.lost at life
Old 03-14-2005, 02:30 PM em-3 is offline  
#107  

Retardedchicken
 
1.had a soccer game at an indoor arena
2.had to shit before i started (i was goalie, played all game)
3.walked into the stall
4.saw shit all over the tank and wall behind it BUT NOT ON THE TOILET SEAT, water was clean and all
5.so nasty i washed my face/hands for just seeing it
6.walked out still needing to shit
6.lost the game
8...
9.no profit


this thread=A+
Old 03-14-2005, 02:33 PM Retardedchicken is offline  
#108  

powertickle
 
Actually now that I think of it, I have two good shit stories from when I was younger.

I was 8 years old. I was a hot summer day, and I was sitting in the back of my Mom's van as she drove me and my siblings home. We were on our way home from my Grandma's house after a long day of swimming in her inground pool; it was about a 40 minute drive on the parkway from her house to ours. Anyway, about halfway home, I felt the beginnings of post pool diarrhea. You know the uncomfortable weighty feeling you get in your bowels after you've been swimming for a long time, indicating that something is horribly, horribly wrong.

So natrually, being 8, I said "Mommy I have to poop."

"You can hold it until we get home, okay?"

Ok. Fine.

So like a good little boy I hold it for another 20 minutes or so, until we get into the center of the town that we live in. By now, I really have to shit, and I begin to feel the slithery excrement making it's way to my asshole. I know that I can't hold it until I get home, and I also know that I don't want to shit myself wearing swim trunks and sitting in the back of my mom's van.

"Mom, I really can't hold it anymore, can you pull over here please?"

Now she's a little aggrivated: "No! You can hold it until we get home!"

"But mom I really have to go!"

"JUST HOLD IT IN, WE'LL BE HOME IN 5 MINUTES"

"NO! IT'S COMING OUT!"

"SON OF A BITCH!"

Well she finally pulled over, and I rushed my little skinny 8 year old clenched ass into the gas station bathroom without saying a word to the attendant whom just looked at me with a knowing smirk. Took a huge diarrhea, and left. When I got back to the car though, I noticed a brown skidmark on the seat where I had been sitting, and my family was silent the rest of the way home.

My mom is a bitch.
Old 03-14-2005, 02:35 PM powertickle is offline  
#109  

Malo
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Threnx
Good story, A++ will read again

thanks! Nice avatar btw!
Old 03-14-2005, 02:37 PM Malo is offline  
#110  

Blueacid
 


edit: balut?

Last edited by Blueacid; 03-14-2005 at 02:40 PM..
Old 03-14-2005, 02:38 PM Blueacid is offline  
#111  

stapler
Fear my nazi SuparMod powers!
 
stapler's Avatar
 
this thread is making me waffle uncontrollably at the lab at school


i have two good ones myself:

first, i was a little scared confused 1st grader in a catholic school. one fine day at late recess i start feeling a little bowel pressure. This is certainly a sign of trouble to come. I go sit in this little unoccupied playground equipment thing made of an old sewer pipe and proceed to shit myself with unimaginable fury. Now, being a little kid in 1st grade, i wasn't exactly sure what to do, and i was feeling very much like the scared kid without his mom; so i just sat in the pipe until my teacher literally pulled me out and noticed the diarrhea stains on the pipe, and my leg. I was rushed to a little-used downstairs bathroom where my teacher waited for my mom to show up, all the while handing me fresh clothes, while i sat on that toilet....still shitting

every few minutes she asked if i was done



the second event was more recent, and any distance runners here will sympathize:

i was running an 18 mile marathon training run in a remote mountain park outside of Boulder, CO. Now, occasionally running- especially very long distance- can really jerk your bowels into a fit of crapping, and i suddenly noticed during this run that i needed to poop. NOW. I was near no shitting facility, had no wiping paraphernaila, i was about 8 mi away from my car, and no shelter from other runners or cyclists. I tried to run back (having had this feeling before, but not so early in the run, i thought i could get back to the parking-lot portapotty), but about a mile later i was in full scale agony, and reduced to a walk. My poor little chocolate starfish could take no more squeezing...nobody should ever have that much lactic acid built up in their butthole. No chance of the portacrapper...i was gonna blow a load of nasty...now. I go behind a little hill by a pond, shit leaking into my bike shorts, and perform the "Move" just in time for my formidable colon to explode in an orgy of poop. The power of this release from my ass- and plenty of pressurized pockets of gas along with it- nearly shook the earth; a flock of disgusted birds took quick flight. I used my favorite running shirt (RIP) to wipe off a beautiful smear of ass-juice, and left the scene as quickly as i could, noting that that the smell could drop a donkey, and the gas explosions were probably heard as far away as Denver

ever since that fateful day, i've brought a few kleenex with me to clean up, or worn a cheap shirt

EDIT: luckily the marathon spasms are very, very rare

Last edited by stapler; 03-14-2005 at 03:21 PM..
Old 03-14-2005, 03:14 PM stapler is offline  
#112  

stapler
Fear my nazi SuparMod powers!
 
stapler's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueacid


edit: balut?


a bit more of the stuff and i might just valut! this bisnotch
Old 03-14-2005, 03:15 PM stapler is offline  
#113  

malamute face
Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.
 
malamute face's Avatar
 
poor 1st grade stapler.

my nephew saw the mr. hanky south park and smeared his shit all over the bathroom. then my brother and i got in deep shit for letting him watch it.
__________________
I breathe my husband Serv0h's soul and I sniff his boxers + farts
Zerokewl is my twin at everything and my long-lost BFF that I never knew I had until like March
I luv uterus
Growler & I hate olives <3
Pyramid is my speakerhumper BFF

Total: 24
Old 03-14-2005, 03:19 PM malamute face is offline  
#114  

Suicide King
 
Suicide King's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by stapler
stuff
i like the description in the second one.
__________________
sneetch is my justly abused adopted monthly check.
Old 03-14-2005, 03:20 PM Suicide King is offline  
#115  

schzim
Likes it in the butt
 
For more hilarious poop stories and the definition of an upperdecker check out
http://antiupperdeck.com/otherstories.html
__________________
battol
Old 03-14-2005, 03:20 PM schzim is offline  
#116  

f00ker's Wife
SlickChicFallen
... and the LORD struck him with an incureable disease of the bowels ...
 
3 stories, all good...

1) At f00ker's mom's place to have dinner; his sister and brother in law are there too. We're all playing mario tennis or something and I feel the urge coming on. I keep playing because the game isn't even half way done. By the time the game ends, I know I'm gonna shit myself if I don't go now, but they all want to play another game, and I'm all "no... no... I've had enough for now", my voice strained. So I end up throwing the controller down, I walk as quickly as possible to the toilet and promptly UNLOAD. Oh. My. God. That felt so good... the flood gates had been opened and the pressure was all gone. Only problem was that it STUNK like HELL. I end up coming out of the bathroom 20 minutes later. Apparently his sister had been waiting to use the bathroom when I was done. So I walk out, sheepish look on my face, and begin to walk away. I turn to look over my shoulder to see her walk in, and a split second later walk RIGHT back out, her eyes seeming to water and a disgusted look on her face.

SO EMBARASSING!

2) Going along with the pissing/shitting/vommitting theme y'all have going... Four or five years ago I remember quite possibly one of the worst nights of my life. I hadn't been feeling well all evening, so I eventually go outside to get some fresh air since that had a tendency to make myself feel better. Five or so minutes pass and I realize that my entire stomach region hurts like mad and that I'm gonna puke. So I start looking around frantically for somewhere to puke. No dice. Pain in abdomen continues to grow to excruciating levels. So finally I puke. Not only to I puke all over the front porch, I POWER PUKE all over the front porch; vomit spraying everywhere. With the vomit still coming out of my mouth, I that something funny is going on with my back end. Shit. Oh shit. And LOTS of it! Not only did I have the flu, I had diarhhea. And it was the squeezing of the abdominal muscles was enough to propell the pent-up excrement out of my ass and FILL my sweatpants!
My mom finally comes out and I have to sheepishly tell her that I'd had an accident. I waddle into the bathroom, 20 or so yards away, and I had to walk past the dining room table, at which my entire family was still eating. VERY EMBARASSING. So I clean up, shower, get new clothing on, etc etc.
But the story doesn't end there (I wish it had, though). I spend the rest of the night vommitting and shitting myself at least half a dozen times. I sleep on the bathroom floor in my parents' room because that was the closest bathroom to my room. At one point I woke up and couldn't even make it to the toilet and shat all over the floor. I spend the next few hours cleaning it up. To this day, I can still see a very slight discoloring of the carpet where it happened

3) This actually happened a few nights ago, hehe... My parents, f00ker, my niece (6 yrs old), and a few friends of the family all decide to go to dinner at the Old Country Buffet. Everyone eats, fun is had by all, etc etc. By the end of the evening, f00ker and I realized we both needed to shit really really bad. So f00ker and I hop into my car and speed back to my parents' house. He heads for the downstairs bathroom, and I to the upstairs one (in my parents' room because there was no way in hell I was gonna use my brothers'... but in retrospect, I probably should have). I make it there just in the nick of time, sit down, and unload. It wasn't so much big logs as it was the sheery quantity of small ones. Over a dozen of them, it was ridiculous. Suddenly I hear the downstairs (front) door open. Shit, everyone's back. After a minute or so I hear little footsteps coming up the stairs and someone knocks on the door. Its my niece. I tell her I'm almost done and I'll be out in a minute. Well, I start to panic. My niece, I love her and all, but she doesn't understand that its kinda rude to comment about anything *left* in the bathroom when you enter. Well, I finally get out of the bathroom, and she goes in. At this point, f00ker is waiting for me at the top of the stairs (door to parents room), and my niece suddenly pops her head out the door and says "Julia, you left some poop in the toilet! and it stinks!"

f00ker and my mother (who heard it too) both bust up laughing, while I stand there utterly stunned. After a moment I laugh too, but I gently scold her, and go about my business.

Kids say the damnnest things
Old 03-14-2005, 03:21 PM f00ker's Wife is offline  
#117  

stapler
Fear my nazi SuparMod powers!
 
stapler's Avatar
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by schzim
For more hilarious poop stories and the definition of an upperdecker check out
http://antiupperdeck.com/otherstories.html


at upperdecking
Old 03-14-2005, 03:25 PM stapler is offline  
#118  

Charlitos
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by damnit
1. Go to hot chicks house.
2. Drink wine and beer.
3. Stomach problems.
4. Shit my pants and her floor.
5...
6. Now shes my girlfriend
7. Profit.

I thin i remeber that, did you ever post that story here ?
__________________
zOMG
Old 03-14-2005, 03:33 PM Charlitos is offline  
#119  

Stick Stickly
Reverend Winte
simmer down!
 
Stick Stickly's Avatar
 
this is from a friend

1.big big poop too big to come out...
2.shove fingers up ass to break up poop
3.poop
4.tell friends
5.
6.no profit
__________________
write to me stick stickly po box 963 new york city, new york state, 10108
Old 03-14-2005, 03:43 PM Stick Stickly is offline  
#120  

 


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:15 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.